


EPIC FAIL?

by Miraphina Atherton (mew_tsubaki)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Humor, OCs - Freeform, a cameo from John Dawlish bc i could
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 16:26:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12084813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mew_tsubaki/pseuds/Miraphina%20Atherton
Summary: After all those years at Hogwarts, after all those difficult O.W.L.s and N.E.W.Ts, after all the years of training, Nymphadora Tonks—former Hufflepuff, present Auror—is ready to kick some Dark wizard arse. But isn't this kind of stuff dangerous? Well, things can only ever turn upside-down with our lovely, clumsy Tonks around.





	EPIC FAIL?

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This was done for the 2010 forum-wide competition in the HPFC. The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me.
> 
> House: Slytherin
> 
> Week: Six (sixth challenge)
> 
> Challenge: Missing moment from canon, written in 1st person POV. Chosen: Tonks' first day on the job as an Auror, i.e. her 1st raid.

"All you all right, Tonks?" Kingsley Shacklebolt asked me as we marched up the street on the outskirts of Kent.

I shrugged, my hair wavering between its normal bubblegum pink color and a muddy mauve. I couldn't help it; my feelings influenced my Metamorphagus powers, so my hair was acting wonky, and my eyes were darkening. But I recalled something my mother told me when I first started training to be an Auror: Ooze confidence, even when you feel like the dumbest git in the room.

Heh. I was oozing plenty of confidence right now, Mum.

"I'll be fine," I replied, waving Kingsley off. "I passed all your tests. Even Mad-Eye's ridiculous 'examinations.'" I looked to the tall, huge, black wizard at my side. "If I can make it past Moody and his baby eyeball, then I can do this."

"This is the first time we've taken you out on a raid, Nymphadora," Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody said from the other side of Kingsley. "This is very different from fooling around and fighting against your teachers and coworkers."

I flared my nostrils, preparing to tear into Mad-Eye for using my first name, which I despised. Kingsley must've noticed, because he cleared his throat to interrupt. "We're here, Tonks, Mad-Eye. Wands out, Mad-Eye to the left, I'll be on the right." He looked to me. "Witches first, Tonks."

I grimly smiled and marched up to the front door. Nice house, really. Too bad that, inside, lived a raving lunatic of a Dark wizard who sold Cursed, antique toys to boggle the local Muggle children. That, and we were pretty sure that he was a Death Eater. Nothing like a hoarder of Dark Magic stuff for the Dark Lord.

I rapped once, and, when no answer came, I knocked again. "Mr. Lindquist Brisbane, the Ministry of Magic declares you are under arrest for possession of Dark materials. Please come out quietly."

There were a few moments of silence, and I raised my eyebrows at Kingsley. He sighed and nodded, and, as I lifted my black-booted foot to the door, Mad-Eye grumbled, "I had a feeling this was how she was going to handle it."

So, yes, I kicked in the front door. Quite fun, actually. The wood splintered, and I smiled. I just love it when the enemy is too thoughtless to cast the proper Charms against intruders.

Mad-Eye went in first, followed by Kingsley. I repaired the door, and the three of us moved slowly and cautiously through the house. It was very quiet, and the interior was lit only by the dusky light coming in from the windows. We fanned out and secured the first floor and then moved up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, I halted and motioned to my comrades behind me. "Do you hear that?" I asked lowly.

Kingsley shook his head, and Mad-Eye grunted. Then the white-haired wizard froze. "Tonks, get out of the way!" Moody shouted.

Things…happened rather fast then. A man, short with reddish-brown hair and crazy light green eyes, popped out of nowhere—he didn't even Apparate!—with a manic expression on his face. He pointed his stubby wand at me and screamed, "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!"

"That's what we're here for!" Mad-Eye growled. "Tonks!" he barked.

I flicked my wand. " _Petrificus Total—_ WHOA!" I scrunched up my eyes, having already caught an eyeful of what was beneath his cloak. "Whoa, mate! No need to show _that_ to a lady!"

Brisbane howled like a madman…okay, so I s'pose he _was_ a madman…and flapped his cloak around him like big bat wings, obviously showing that he thought he could fly away like that. Well, it worked—to a point. It distracted us enough that Brisbane was able to jump from the second floor landing and run out the front door…because I a) forgot to Seal the door, b) tipped backwards into Kingsley and caused Kingsley to crash into Mad-Eye, and c) couldn't get up fast enough to chase immediately after the loon.

Crap. Mad-Eye would never let me hear the end of this.

I scrambled up and ran out of the house, tearing down the street after the streaking man. Mad-Eye growled something behind me, but at least Kingsley had my back. Of course, I didn't feel so happy when he reminded me I had a wand. Heh. Oops.

The first spell I cast was the Jelly-Legs Jinx, followed up with another Full-Body Bind. The duo seemed to work on Brisbane because he slowed and tripped before freezing up. I caught up to him and put my heel on his scrawny bum, and Kingsley joined me. "Why are you frowning?" I asked when I glimpsed his expression.

Kingsley quirked an eyebrow. "That's not how we usually handle our targets."

I grinned. "Last I knew, we actually have a 'shoot to kill' policy for when they run. I'm being merciful, Shacklebolt. I'm kind little Tonksy."

Mad-Eye joined us then, securing Brisbane with a quick incantation. He held up a bag after. "A few items courtesy of this dolt here. I marked his residence as Ministry property, too. We're going to log a lot of hours helping the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office strain through the Dark slush."

"Oh, office work? We can't get out for another round-up?"

Mad-Eye scoffed, and Kingsley had to stop himself from gaping at me. "You _do_ realize it might be just as nutters next time, right, Tonks?" the black wizard asked.

I winked in response.

We returned to the Ministry right after and headed straight to the Auror Office, where we passed Brisbane off to our fellow Auror, John Dawlish. Mad-Eye looked me up and down. "You really were fine with today's raid?"

I shrugged. "It'll only get worse from here, right? I mean, You-Know-Who's back, Harry Potter's fought him twice now, hasn't he? I reckon the worst is yet to come."

"You did a good job today," Kingsley commented with a smile.

"Even if you did let him run in the first place," Mad-Eye snorted.

"So shall we count today's mission a success?" I asked hopefully.

"Well…"

"Hold it, you!" Dawlish yelled from behind us. "He's gettin' away!"

Anyone know that little instant when something's happening and you just _have_ to get a look? I turned around with the other two right as Brisbane stopped to round the corner. "Hey, little missy!" he shouted at me. "Try defeating _this_ wand!" And I was flashed for the second time that day.

Yup, I was right. The worst was yet to come.

**Author's Note:**

> *loool* XD I do love Tonks. I always thought of her as clumsy, yet saucy. It kind of balances things, you know? And this moment is just too brilliant to pass up. And yes, Lindquist Brisbane is an OC (with a rly good HP-sounding name, right? X3), but he's a pretty hilarious one at that. 'Sides, we all know that Tonks is a kickass Auror; she definitely got him. ;) Oh, yeah—calling Tonks a "lady" is most certainly a term used lightly here, btw. XD
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please review!
> 
> -mew-tsubaki :3
> 
> Thanks to papa mew for looking this over for me. :3
> 
> 2017 note: *LOL* This 7yo fic still makes me laugh. I think humor needs to be very conversational, which means 1st-person POVs lend themselves well to humor. And, in case it wasn't clear, this is set likely after PS/SS, as Tonks mentioned Harry's fought Voldy twice now (so if you count once as a baby, 2nd time when in Quirrell…). But yeah. Fun stuff. XDDD Also, I fall for Kingsley every time I read or write him. ._.;


End file.
